Dorothy, You’re Not in Korea Any More

You’ve just moved to a new place, completely blind, having signed up for a program with a good reputation that, even if all else fails, will hopefully more than make up for all the time you’ll be spending in this new place. At first, life is not going to be easy. You will meet new peers through your program and undergo an odd, forced extroversion at first; you will also retreat into your introversion, question all your life choices, and get intimidated by tasks as simple as going to the grocery store. Being a newcomer to a foreign culture, you will feel alienated from the natives and remain overly grateful (if such a thing is possible) for the few human beings you can find who share similar backgrounds with you. You’ll promise yourself to rely on the routines engendered by your program, but outside those routines you find yourself at varying levels of lost.

 

Oh, sorry, did you have the impression I was talking about Korea? No, no, the time for Korea has passed – I’m talking about Berkeley, California.

 

I’m sitting in a motel in El Cerrito, CA, right now, where it’s 6 o’clock, the sun is shining, the wind is blowing, and I am just now relating to what so many of my friends had said about moving to Korea. In three days I’ll be starting a professional Master’s (Public Policy) program at Cal. Wooph.

 

But before the crazy begins, let me just say one more time: thank you. To the people in 56 countries (seriously, who read this blog from Brunei? WHO ARE YOU?!?) who tuned in, thanks for coming along for the ride. If you were just a creeper, replace the word “thanks” with “side eye.”

 

To the wonderful people of Uncheon Elementary School, TAGY School, Chungbuk EPIK, and all my friends out there: thank you for everything. Truly, heading to Korea to hang out with you guys (that was the purpose, right?) was the best decision I could have ever made.

 

Until next time, 잘 지내세요~

 

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A Final Adventure: The Most Beautiful Place in Korea

Or: I climbed Seoraksan in a typhoon so you don’t have to.

Last weekend, Typhoon Nakri rolled through Korea, leaving me resolute in my plans to conquer the mother monster of the country, Seoraksan:

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But wait, you say! That is not a typhoon, you say. Indeed. That’s the base of Seoraksan at the end of this wonderful story. I just wanted to get started on a nice note for you, dear reader.

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At any rate, early on Monday I woke, stuffed a frozen pizza and some other necessities into my pack, and headed off for my buses to Seoraksan. With a late arrival of 12:30, I rushed through the park, hoping to make it to the top of the mountain and back to my shelter by 7:00.

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My mood was soaring, and I breezed through the first few kilometers. I sang. I took pictures. I ran up giant staircases. I came across Korean hikers taking selkas and asked if they wanted me to take their picture. The first couple were plainly terrified of me, but the second couple was thrilled, and the last guy coerced me into taking a selka with him~ I’m a celebrity here, doncha know.

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For those of you from my home state, you’ll understand when I say that the classic valley hike in Seoraksan is comparable to hiking Mount Marcy. Ten kilometers to the top, perhaps 300 feet higher than Mount Marcy (though with a base considerably closer to sea level, with the sea being only a few miles away). Imagine climbing anywhere in the eastern US above 5,000 feet, and you’ve got a good picture.

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Of course, this wouldn’t be the Korean mountains if there weren’t some crazy climbers trying to get up some godforsaken slab routes in the middle of a typhoon drizzle:

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Missed them? Let’s zoom in:

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Good for you, crazy climbers of Korea. Good for you.

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DSCF7766Two hours in brought me to my lunch stopover, the Yangpok Shelter, where I would be staying the night:

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I was the first of the dozen-or-so guests to arrive, so to secure the best bunk I offered some of my thawed pizza to the guy who checked me in… except that by that time, he had a work partner as well… and then an older couple showed up to check in… and I gave them all a slice. Half of my brain was screaming, “NO! Not the pizza! What are you doing you fool you are giving the pizza away!!!” And even the other half of my brain was annoyed when the old lady said to me, “Wow, you sure don’t have many slices left, do you?”

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Having brought food to share (as one does in Korea), I resolved to keep any future sharing to the Oreos and carrots. With my bunk laid out, I set out hoping to conquer the top peak within the next two hours.

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Seoraksan is, deservedly, a popular destination for Koreans and foreigners alike, so there was no shortage of internet musings for me to peruse while deciding which hiking course to take. At one site, a foreigner had made a useful map of the hike I had decided upon; one section, nearly a mile long, was simply labeled, “Hell.”

It was at the bottom of this section that the rain really picked up in earnest, having been a constant, light rain all day.

And, of course, as soon as I reached the top of the all-too-accurately named Hell section, the rain returned to its light drizzly glory. Glory, that is, because summer hiking in Korea is infinitely better in a cool rain than in the absurd, oppressive heat of the sun.

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Proof that I did, in fact, make it:

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At this point, I was starting to feel it: ten steep kilometers in four hours of hiking, with two more hours before I’d lose my shelter reservation. I “booked” it down the mountain, if booking it in the rain on a steep trail means approximately the pace of your halmoni’s halmoni.

Then, suddenly, the typhoon’s tail rain lifted completely  as Nakri headed off over the ocean.

And I was left with this:

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The most beautiful place in the country? I think so!

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With the breaking of the clouds, I made it back to the shelter at 6:59, to the applause of everyone who had eaten my pizza earlier. Hey, what can I say? An audience is cheap when you’re out in the mountains of Korea.

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The following day came with another 5:00 start, filling my bottles in the stream and heading up the same path for a juncture a mile away. That junction was the start of Dinosaur Ridge (공룡능선), named for its resemblance to the plates on the back of a stegosaurus. Later on I captured some nice shots of it from the side, but first we must wind our way through the maze of the ridge itself, dear reader.

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1111 meters? A good place to pause. The ridge is a 4.4 kilometer mix of flat, level hiking with scrambles that turn treacherous in the mix of rain and clouds that keep the place from drying out. Even the winds here are strong enough to keep the trees from branching in any but one direction.

Is it easy? Well, maybe when dry. But when wet, with my twenty-five pound pack, I was sure thankful for these quasi-ferrata features drilled into the scrambliest places.

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DSCF7851I seriously considered hanging out at the above spot, just in case I might get to watch an ajumma attempt this twenty-foot scramble here.

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Eventually, the maze subsided. Emerging from Dino Ridge, I turned onto a path that I’d taken back in September with a friend, when we’d been done in by hordes of oncoming ajummas who were obsessed with my friend’s “apple face.” This time, on a Tuesday, I encountered only a few people, including a couple who gave me two sticks of what can only be described as “fish cheese.” I have nothing further to say on that topic, for no happy ending can come of a story about fish cheese.

At any rate, dear reader, please judge for yourself whether or not the ridge was accurately named. I, for one, have never met a stegosaurus, so I can’t really say. But I did enjoy the hike~

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And with that, I bid you adieu, mountains of Korea.

 

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Your Guide to the Weather Forecast in Korea

weather

What it says: what it means

0% chance of rain: It is definitely going to make the rain on your face at some point today.

1-4% chance of rain: There is definitely going to be a “surprise” downpour today.

5-10% chance of rain: Small, personal rainclouds will follow specific people throughout the day. They will be miserable, while their neighbors will be dry.

11-36% chance of rain: It is not going to rain at all.

37-41% chance of rain: There will definitely be an extended 1-3 hour period of heavy rain.

42-58% chance of rain: No chance of rain.

59-77% chance of rain: A typhoon has been spotted somewhere in the vicinity of Guam, the Philippines, or Antarctica. Chances of arrival in Korea are negligible. It will not rain.

78-89% chance of rain: A light drizzle on and off for a period of 1-3 days.

90-94% chance of rain: Rain is highly unlikely, but still possible. Bring an umbrella.

95-100% chance of rain: Head for the hills! Flood warning! Monster Super-typhoon headed your way immediately! Either that, or no rain at all. Not sure. Could be either. Rock-paper-scissors?

The Ultimate 50-Part Cheongju Scavenger Hunt

Other people say leave no one behind, but I say, heck, leave them all behind. For all the foreigners of Cheongju who remain, here is your Ultimate 50-Part Cheongju Scavenger Hunt.

1. Get a bike:
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2. Visit a cat cafe.

3. Find some good-luck sotdae:

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4. Find Korea’s national flower, the mugunghwa (Rose of Sharon):

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5. Watch a Korean movie – request English subtitles (영어자막) at the desk.

6. Check out one of the great sushi joints:

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7. Find this place where the men have to put the lid down, regardless:

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8: Eat some bingsoo!

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9: Re-take this picture…

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10. …and then go visit the Jikji Museum.

11. Talk a stroll in the summer rain~

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12. Re-take this picture of trees that really need a helping hand, apparently:

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13. Enjoy the sunset at one of the city’s temples:

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14. Find these incongruous statues of Marilyn Monroe:

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15. Head out to the Ochang Lake Park:

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16. Use a bathroom that’s received the “Beautiful Bathroom” Award:

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17. Attend a free concert along the Musim Stream:

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18. Take a picture with a cat on a leash:

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19.  Go up to the top of one of the main apartment buildings for a great view of the city:

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20. Enjoy some Bonjung goodness:

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21. Check out the paragliders who practice downtown:

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22. Take a photo with this guy:

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23. Visit the Cheongju National Museum.

24. Find this place of light and shadow. It’s basically the Cordoba Cathedral-Mosque of Cheongju.

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25. Go for the famous buffet at the top of DreamPlus.

26. Picnic at the pond in Chungdae.

27. Find some real American food. It exists, trust me!

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28. Get your exercise on.

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29. Make a pilgrimage to the “River” to check out this famous scholar’s old dwelling:

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30. Catch a sunset over the Musim Stream.

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31. Find some of the city’s brilliant late spring roses:

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32. Hassle some election “volunteers.”

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33. Walk the cherry blossoms and forsythia blossoms.

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34. Check out the snow flowers in winter:

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35. Light a paper lantern with the rest of the city for New Year’s, and enjoy the fireworks at the end:

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36. Day-trip out to see the enormous Buddha near Deokju Temple, and climb the stairs up the mountain’s sheer cliff face.

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37. Find the Air Force Academy of Korea:

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38. Go make friends with a giant:

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39.  And also with some not-quite-so-giant-giants, here at the March 1st Memorial Park:

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40. Climb up Uamsan for this great view of Cheongju’s skyline:

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41. Re-take this famous shot:

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42. Try the super-spicy food stall downtown.

43. Go mountain-biking in the hills east of town.

44. Check out the amazing Cheongju Biennale, even if you’re not sure that “Biennale” is a real word.

45. Go ride those duck-shaped paddleboats:

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46. Get a burrito in Chungdae.

47. Go to a wedding at the Hyang-gyo.

48. Buy a t-shirt with some interesting English:

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49. Check out the Saturday afternoon flea market.

50. Take a photo with this friendly tiger:

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Random Exchanges from My School

Principal (in English): I think the students will like you.
Me: I hope so! I will try my best.
Principal: …because…
Me: *?*
Principal: …………..
Me: *???????*
Principal: …YOU ARE SOME HANDSOME MAN!!!


Me: why is it sticky

3rd grader: *shifty eyes*

Me: WHY IS IT STICKY


 

Student (in Korean): TEACHER!! *looking for the co-teacher, who is not in the room*

Me (in Korean): What’s up?

Student: No.


 

4th grader: MASERATi QUattroPorTe!

Me: What??

4th grader: BMW428i

Me: How do you even know that?!?

4th grader: PORSCHE CAYMANGTS

Me: who are you even

4th grader: FORD bye


 

Co-teacher: Oh, Chris. English. I try… but… I am so hard.

Me: ………………………………………………………………………………………….


 

Principal: *puts hand on my arm/shoulder/thigh/head*

Me: *not this again*

Principal: You know… you are some handsome man!!


 

4-3 class: *comes early to class*

Me: *I know who your homeroom teacher is, and I am going to get violent if this keeps up*

4-3 class: YAY ENGLISH

Me: Okay… guess we get to learn some English music to kill all this extra time.

Katy Perry: Here is some English singing for you~~~

Weather: THUNDER

4-3 class: TEACHER! THE SKY IS ROAR!


 

4th grader (in letter): My feel is sad. because teecher is go to Home town. so I’m sad but I’m don’t cry because I’m cry your feel is sad so I’m smile to you teecher Thank you for teaching English I will miss you a lot. ㅠ__ㅠ have a nice life and take care your body well. Oh It’s time for goodbye. 2014 7/10


 

3-3 teacher (in Korean): Oh, you’re teaching today, too? I didn’t know…

Me: *you don’t get to take my third grade day away from me*

……………………….later that class…………………………..

3-3 class: ENGLISH LOVE

Me: let me gaze at your faces one more time

3-3 student: *dumps milk on classmate’s head*

Me: NVM GOODBYE


4th graders: *making flower decorations with English phrase, “I am ____.”*

Me: everyone choose the word that means YOU and decorate your flower! If there is another word, please ask me~

Student: Teacher! I am free. I am Elsa.

Student: I am strong! I am many strong.

Student: Teacher, English… …편범한?

Me: *whips out phone app*

Phone app: 편범한, adj. = ordinary / plain

Me: =______=


New gym teacher: *runs into me on the walk home from school, while he is carrying a box.* Chris! It is …over. I am finished.

Me: Oh no! What happened? Are you all right?

Him: They… blame to me… so, I don’t know. But it’s okay.

Me: I’m so sorry. *what do you say to someone who just got fired this is awkward someone come help*

Him: It’s okay. I have to go home now.

THE NEXT DAY

Him: Hello, Chris.

Me: wut.

Him: Hi!

Me: did you even realize you were messing with me

did you

even

realize


3rd grader: *takes my stamp and stamps himself all over his face*

Me: Beautiful. You are beautiful.


Me: How are you, class?

6-2 class: NO.

Me: Huh? Why?

6-2 class: Teacher… only give… good words. Not good.

Me: *they figured it out*

6-2 class: I am not awesome/not fantastic/not outstanding/not incredible


Principal: You know, I am so glad to know you.

Me: *I know where this is going*

Principal: BECAUSE YOU ARE SOME HANDSOME MAN!!!!!~~~!!~


 

Me (in Korean): Are you okay?

3rd grader: *crying*

Me: I think I got all the milk out of your hair…


Me: *bops unattentive student with classroom “hammer”*

6th grader: SHIIIIIII~~~~~

Me: yeah you better not finish that word


Me: *teaches the rules for Egyptian Rat Screw*

Students: teacher so confuse

Me: Begin!

Students: OMG ITS NEW RELIGION LOVE GAME LOVE


 

4th grader (in letter): I niced to meet you.

 

How to Exercise Like a Boss Ajumma

Exercising in Korea is quick and easy! Just follow these steps for a great, utterly useless workout:

First: the warm-up. Lie on your back. Raise your arms and legs into the air. Shake vigorously. You are a turtle stranded on your back. Shake!

Feeling stupid? Don’t worry, it gets worse.

Exercise Group One: Laying Down.

Laying down is an exceptionally difficult exercise. But if you desire to continue being able to lie down as you grow older, I strongly suggest you add these laying down exercises to your routine.

(1) Beginners’ Laying Down

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Okay, so laying down is one of these skills that seems simple and obvious, yet in fact it can prove challenging for even the most athletic among us. To accomplish this exercise, stand in the foot-holds and lay back. You did it! Yay!

(2) Intermediate Laying Down

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You are now ready to actually lay down. Place your legs behind the leg-holders and lay down. Wow! Congratulations. You are such an athlete.

(3) Advanced Laying Down

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This should only be attempted for seasoned practitioners of laying down exercises.

Exercise Group Two: Sitting Down

Like laying down, sitting down is a difficult exercise that requires much practice to master. But with time, the rewards reaped can be immense!

(1) Beginners’ Sitting Down

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Grasp the handlebars, one in each hand. Sit down. Place your feet on the stirrups. Move the bar forward and backwards as desired. You did it!

(2) Intermediate Sitting Down

 

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These exercises are disguised as actual exercises, but don’t worry. There is zero resistance involved. These are basically the same as Beginners’ Sitting Down. We want you to take things slow.

(3) Advanced Sitting Down (partner required)

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Each partner, ideally of similar weight, will grasp one set of handlebars. Sit down. Yeah, you like those bumps? That’s why this exercise is only for advanced practitioners. Please don’t overdo it. You’ll only hurt yourself.

Exercise Group Three: Making Circles with Your Arms

Making circles with your arms is a critical life skill. You should really get on that.

(1) Beginners’ Arm Circling

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Grasp the handle. Make circles. Look out, Kim Jain! There’s a new powerhouse athlete in Korea.

(2) Intermediate Arm Circling

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Grasp handle. Make circles. You are so good at this!

(3) Upper Intermediate Arm Circling

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Grasp handle. Make circles. While arm circling, intone: “Double, double, toil and trouble! FIRE BURN AND CAULDRON BUBBLE!”

(4) Advanced Overhead Arm Circling

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This is not for the faint-of-hearted, because you will faint if you are not prepared. There is no handle. Grap circles. Make circles.

(5) Bonus Pulley Arm Circling

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Grasp rope. Use pulleys. Make circles.

Exercise Group Four: High Legs

(1) Beginners’ High Legs

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Lift leg. Place leg on spindle. Wow! You are such a natural.

(2) Advanced High Legs

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Lift leg. Place on rail. This is incredible – I’ve never seen a more natural exerciser than you! What’s your secret?

Exercise Group Five: Making Contact with Bumpy Objects

Life is full of bumpy objects. Recently I tried to walk over a speed bump in the road and encountered great difficulty in doing so. On further reflection, I realized that I needed to do more exercises to build my capacity to make contact with bumpy objects.

(1) Beginners’ Bumpy Objects

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Approach slowly. Extend arms. Wrap hands around the bumpy objects. You did it! For extra fun, rotate objects left and right, as desired.

(2) Intermediate Bumpy Objects

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Again, approach slowly and with great caution. Turn around, facing outwards. Slowly use your back to make contact with the bumpy objects. Roll up and down, or sideways, as applicable. Another awesome exercise done!

Alternative: if available, use the bumpy hula-hoop located at your exercise station. Why waste time with a massage after exercising when you can take care of both at the same time?

(3)  Advanced Bumpy Objects.

See (3) for Exercise Group 2: Sitting Down. Partner Required.

Exercise Group Six: Gentle Hip Engagement

Sometimes you just want to engage your hips only a little bit, not a great deal, just enough to almost convince yourself that you’re exercising. Still, it can be difficult to gauge a level of movement low enough so that you’re not actually doing anything to help yourself. That’s what these great exercises are for!

(1) Beginners’ Gentle Hip Engagement

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Stand on platform. Grasp rail. Swivel left and right, as desired. Here are some ajummas to help you understand this exercise:

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(2) Intermediate-Advanced Gentle Hip Engagement

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Stand on platform. Grasp rails. Swing left and right as desired. Wow! You are so impressive at this.

Cool-down: Resistance-free Elliptical Training

Everyone knows the key to a good exercise routine is a proper cool-down to match the warm-up! So if your exercise routine was entirely exercise-free, make sure your cool-down is equally exercise-free with this resistance-free elliptical trainer:

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Top 10 Pro-Tips for Newly Arrived Foreigners

10. Most major sites for your life will either have an English language site (Korail trains; GMarket online shopping; airline booking sites; Korea Tourism) or be easily navigable in Korea (busterminal.or.kr). If you really can’t be bothered, you can call the Tourism Hotline at 1330 and receive free English assistance for traveling within Korea.

9. Come prepared. Come prepared for four seasons that will range from unbearably hot and muggy to unbearably frigid and snowy. Come prepared with enough medicine for your ailments to last the whole year. Come prepared with the electronic adaptors/chargers/spare batteries that you might not be able to find here. Conversely, small but heavy/pricey things, from hair-dryers to voltage step-down converters, can be had easily from other foreigners who are on their way out.

8. Things go unsaid in Korea. Americans appreciate being spoken to directly, and in turn desire to make known their own needs and expectations in a clear and forthright manner. In Korea, you will need to develop some skill with 눈치, which means picking up on others’ body language and tone to figure out what they actually need, want, and feel, as opposed to what they may have said for the sake of politeness. You may also need to re-evaluate your own complaints to see if they truly register as valid according to your life’s new circumstances and norms.

7. Being on a budget is not an excuse for being stingy with gift-giving. The particular circumstances that may demand a gift might seem culturally indiscriminate to you, but really it’s not all that different from America. If you have dinner with a small group of coworkers and one [the oldest] pays for everything by herself, you’re looking at either something like a bottle of hand lotion, or buying the “이차” next round of coffee/dessert/whatever.

6. Taking care of yourself might mean adding things to your checklist. Summer humidity means you have to learn how to prevent mold. Toxic winter dust storms mean you should avoid exercising at peak times and wear a mask if you must go outside. Every Korean will also tell you to filter, boil, or purchase your water, with the reasons including aging pipes (a long-standing issue) and algal blooms known as “green tea latte” that stem from the previous administration’s highly controversial channelizing of the entire country’s river systems. Those in the areas around Seoul have been warned by the government to boil their drinking water, and the entire country shares this worry.

5. You will get farther if you speak a little bit of Korean with a good Korean accent than if you speak lots of Korean with a strong American accent. If you can mumble your 안녕하세요’s into mmmmmm아세요’s with a good accent, prepare to receive intense praise for your Korean skills. Just don’t do this on the phone, or you may actually be mistaken for a Korean.

4. Don’t travel during Chuseok and the potential early May Children’s Day/Buddha’s birthday holiday, unless you are willing to put up with the crazy. You will need to book your bus/train/plane tickets weeks in advance, and entire highways within the country will be jammed. Last Chuseok it took me a full hour for my taxi to make it to my city’s bus terminal.

3. Americans have a saying: “Smile and nod.” In Korea, make that, “smile, nod, and say 네”! Even if you have no clue what the other person is saying, this will at least encourage the other person to keep talking to you over the course of your time here. There are Koreans I’ve known for months and months who are just now working up the courage to speak to me again after I ducked out of early-on conversation attempts with an “I have no idea what you’re saying at me~” …don’t repeat my mistake. Chances are, if you encourage communication, you’ll reach a point in your friendships with non-English speakers in which you can communicate just fine despite neither of you possessing real conversational proficiency in the other’s language.

Another thing to keep in mind: older people, particularly at your place of work, will be expecting the “smile, nod, 네” response simply as matter of politeness – in which case, how much you picked up is sort of a moot point.

2. The way of the foreigner involves constantly saying goodbye – real goodbye – to your close friends. This is the way of things. Foreigners who have stayed in Korea for years agglutinate in tribes because of this, so be confident but also respectful when you go to make friends with people who’ve already been around the wheel a few times. You’re the new puppy in the house, and they are the old, ruling dog.

1. Be deliberate with yourself, or risk taking everything personally. You are going to be at the bottom of your school’s totem pole. Your classes/schedules/expectations may change constantly, with little notice. You are going to be a political pawn. You are going to be gaped at, pointed at, and maybe even screamed at during your time here. None of this is personal. Be deliberate with your intentions and remind yourself not to take anything personally, to roll with the punches, and to appreciate the blessings of a steady paycheck, a beautiful country, a low cost of living, warm-hearted people, and space from your previous life.

Eleven Months Later, Here is How My Thinking Has Changed

Then: I am at this school because I am the only native English speaker they have!
Now: I am at this school because I am the only one tall enough to close the upper windows.


 

Then: Wow, this here ajumma/ajeoshi truly does not give a f!
Now: Wow, ajumma/ajeoshi truly do not give a f!


 

Then: *plugs nose and reluctantly swallows the kimchi serving*
Now: DOWN THE HATCH IT GOES


 

Then: There are only 52 weekends in a year! Must get out! Do things!
Now: The only thing that gets me out of bed on the weekend is the fact that the distance from my pillow to my fridge exceeds my armspan.


 

Then: OMG IS THAT ANOTHER FOREIGNER??! HEY! HEY YOU! YOU THERE! LETS BE FRIENDS K?
Now: OMG is that another foreigner?? F… quick, look away and pretend to be busy before it spots me! Dang foreigners be everywhere in this country these days…


 

Then: okay gotta learn Korean for real this time really important super necessary gotta get my conversation on with these peeps no idea what they are saying at me this gotta change gotta get better

Now: “…are you sure you haven’t learned English since the last time I met you? It would really help the situation here…”


 

Then: *drops food from chopsticks and turns red when others see*

Now: *drops food from chopsticks and is proud to be an AMERICAN* MURRRICA


 

Then: okay gonna wake up at six go runnin and get my meditation on be so great so ready for the day

Now: Wake up at seven forty to pursue a precisely calibrated schedule that gets me out the door at eight twenty.


Then: *crossing the street* I’M GONNA DIE

Now: *crossing the street* I dare you to hit me! I DARE YOU!!


 

Then: close friend moving to Seoul in December can’t wait awww yissss

Now: Seoul, so far… why so far… bed is in Cheongju, not Seoul. Why? Why is it so?


 

Then: wow these foreigners sure are dumb

Now: wow these foreigners sure are dumb


 

Then: wow these Koreans sure are cool

Now: wow these Koreans sure are dumb


 

Then: Imma crush so hard by the end of the year!

Now: An entire week with no injuries! *tears of joy*


 

Then: Imma love it here

Now: I really love it here

 

 

A True Korean Love Story

Her: “…네…더…랜드…”

Me: “Ne. Ne-duh-ran-deu.”

Her: *despair*

 

Image

Thirty minutes later, she utters a triumphant “Bae dwaeyo!” (“Okay, it can go by surface mail.”) – sorry, my friend in the Netherlands, but air mail is no longer in my budget.

I wonder what she thinks about me whenever I send a package someplace that isn’t America.

 

Note: photo above has been altered to prevent your jealousy.

 


 

Some months previously:

Her: “…모…리…셔…스…”

Me: “Ne. Moh-ree-shuss-eu.”

Her: *despair*

 

Actually, the despair is all on the inside. Minjung (name changed) is a paragon of the Korean can-do, will-do attitude. Every letter, envelope, and parcel gets no more than half a second’s “FML” glance before she jumps right in to tackle the job. But that half-a-second says it all: the struggle is real. Woe be the Korean postal worker who lives in a neighborhood with a foreigner.

Side note: I have yet to receive confirmation that the letter ever made it to Mauritius. Well, we tried, Minjung. We tried. Sometimes it feels as though the entire world stands against us.

 


 

 

I’ll admit that what is now our close relationship was strained at first, thanks to the language barrier. But we pushed through it. Now she knows to ask if I want to send it “by boat” rather than “by surface mail.” She’s great that way. It’s the little things that let me know this relationship can last.

I knew at first sight that I wanted Minjung to be my postal worker for the whole year. Saying goodbye will be tremendously difficult.

 


 

When winter arrived, I was unaware that the post office would close at five, not six. Yet when I wandered in at 4:50, she still took my package. 

I came back with a thank-you coffee for her the next week.

There was another man in the office. behind the counter. Her boss, perhaps. Oh well.

 


 

 

You tried to warn me, I know. But either the words were too difficult, or else I deliberately persuaded myself to pretend otherwise. You said, quite clearly, that it wouldn’t matter what I wrote on the line marked “In case of non-delivery, redirect to address below.” You said that no matter what I wrote, the US post office wouldn’t consider it valid without further payment.

I thought you were jealous to read a female name with that address. I thought you should have guessed: it was just my sister. 

A surface-mail package arrived last week in America. You are always true, dear Minjung. I shouldn’t have judged you. I know now that you only had my best interest in heart.

 


 

 

The prospect of my imminent departure from the rough streets of Bongmyeong-dong leaves me weak with heartache. Who shall comfort me? Shakespeare: Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Surely no, for this is Korea. Manhae: 

Parting creates beauty.
There is no beauty of parting
in the ephemeral gold of the morning;
nor in the seamless black silk of the night;
nor in the eternal life which admits no death;
nor in the gorgeous celestial flower that never fades.
O love, if there is no parting, I cannot come back
to life in laughter after tearful death.
O parting!
Parting creates beauty.

 

 

 

Mistaken Miscommunication

Mistaken Miscommunication

https://i0.wp.com/res.heraldm.com/content/image/2014/06/11/20140611001596_0.jpg

 

My Korean isn’t all that great – maybe a 3 on the standard scale (1-6). This means that my conversation are rife with misunderstandings. But sometimes this happens:

Korean friend: Chris, did you see the Miryang news?

Me: Miryang, where is that?

KF: Gyeongsang Province. So you didn’t see the news? With the little old grannie?

Me: No, sorry, I didn’t. What happened?

KF: She went up to the electric tower, got naked, and threw a fit.

Me: I’m sorry, can you say that again?

KF: Um.. the grannie climbed up to the tower, got naked, and went crazy.

Me: Okay. It sounds like you’re saying that a Korean grannie took her clothes off and started screaming… I’m sorry; I really can’t understand what you’re trying to say. My listening skills aren’t here today.

KF: Yes! She changed her clothes and went like this [gesticulating wildly].

Me: Oh. So there actually was a crazy naked grannie in this story. I see. Huh. Why did she do that?

KF: [shrugs]

#Korea

Link to the news story: click here.