Exercising in Korea is quick and easy! Just follow these steps for a great, utterly useless workout:
First: the warm-up. Lie on your back. Raise your arms and legs into the air. Shake vigorously. You are a turtle stranded on your back. Shake!
Feeling stupid? Don’t worry, it gets worse.
Exercise Group One: Laying Down.
Laying down is an exceptionally difficult exercise. But if you desire to continue being able to lie down as you grow older, I strongly suggest you add these laying down exercises to your routine.
(1) Beginners’ Laying Down
Okay, so laying down is one of these skills that seems simple and obvious, yet in fact it can prove challenging for even the most athletic among us. To accomplish this exercise, stand in the foot-holds and lay back. You did it! Yay!
(2) Intermediate Laying Down
You are now ready to actually lay down. Place your legs behind the leg-holders and lay down. Wow! Congratulations. You are such an athlete.
(3) Advanced Laying Down
This should only be attempted for seasoned practitioners of laying down exercises.
Exercise Group Two: Sitting Down
Like laying down, sitting down is a difficult exercise that requires much practice to master. But with time, the rewards reaped can be immense!
(1) Beginners’ Sitting Down
Grasp the handlebars, one in each hand. Sit down. Place your feet on the stirrups. Move the bar forward and backwards as desired. You did it!
(2) Intermediate Sitting Down
These exercises are disguised as actual exercises, but don’t worry. There is zero resistance involved. These are basically the same as Beginners’ Sitting Down. We want you to take things slow.
(3) Advanced Sitting Down (partner required)
Each partner, ideally of similar weight, will grasp one set of handlebars. Sit down. Yeah, you like those bumps? That’s why this exercise is only for advanced practitioners. Please don’t overdo it. You’ll only hurt yourself.
Exercise Group Three: Making Circles with Your Arms
Making circles with your arms is a critical life skill. You should really get on that.
(1) Beginners’ Arm Circling
Grasp the handle. Make circles. Look out, Kim Jain! There’s a new powerhouse athlete in Korea.
(2) Intermediate Arm Circling
Grasp handle. Make circles. You are so good at this!
(3) Upper Intermediate Arm Circling
Grasp handle. Make circles. While arm circling, intone: “Double, double, toil and trouble! FIRE BURN AND CAULDRON BUBBLE!”
(4) Advanced Overhead Arm Circling
This is not for the faint-of-hearted, because you will faint if you are not prepared. There is no handle. Grap circles. Make circles.
(5) Bonus Pulley Arm Circling
Grasp rope. Use pulleys. Make circles.
Exercise Group Four: High Legs
(1) Beginners’ High Legs
Lift leg. Place leg on spindle. Wow! You are such a natural.
(2) Advanced High Legs
Lift leg. Place on rail. This is incredible – I’ve never seen a more natural exerciser than you! What’s your secret?
Exercise Group Five: Making Contact with Bumpy Objects
Life is full of bumpy objects. Recently I tried to walk over a speed bump in the road and encountered great difficulty in doing so. On further reflection, I realized that I needed to do more exercises to build my capacity to make contact with bumpy objects.
(1) Beginners’ Bumpy Objects
Approach slowly. Extend arms. Wrap hands around the bumpy objects. You did it! For extra fun, rotate objects left and right, as desired.
(2) Intermediate Bumpy Objects
Again, approach slowly and with great caution. Turn around, facing outwards. Slowly use your back to make contact with the bumpy objects. Roll up and down, or sideways, as applicable. Another awesome exercise done!
Alternative: if available, use the bumpy hula-hoop located at your exercise station. Why waste time with a massage after exercising when you can take care of both at the same time?
(3) Advanced Bumpy Objects.
See (3) for Exercise Group 2: Sitting Down. Partner Required.
Exercise Group Six: Gentle Hip Engagement
Sometimes you just want to engage your hips only a little bit, not a great deal, just enough to almost convince yourself that you’re exercising. Still, it can be difficult to gauge a level of movement low enough so that you’re not actually doing anything to help yourself. That’s what these great exercises are for!
(1) Beginners’ Gentle Hip Engagement
Stand on platform. Grasp rail. Swivel left and right, as desired. Here are some ajummas to help you understand this exercise:
(2) Intermediate-Advanced Gentle Hip Engagement
Stand on platform. Grasp rails. Swing left and right as desired. Wow! You are so impressive at this.
Cool-down: Resistance-free Elliptical Training
Everyone knows the key to a good exercise routine is a proper cool-down to match the warm-up! So if your exercise routine was entirely exercise-free, make sure your cool-down is equally exercise-free with this resistance-free elliptical trainer:
Sleepy in Cheongju 